Silence

Silence can be strained.

Silence can be golden.

Silence can be a relief.

Silence can be full of revenge and meanness and cold fury. You will never forget the accompanying thunder.

There is the silence of serenity that you can feel in the midst of the noisiest crowd of people, the crush of modern life, the mightiest thunderstorm. This silence comes from within and comes from knowing your own place in the world. You feel your center and almost nothing can take you from it. At least not very far for very long. This is the best silence of all. It is yours.

Who I Am

 Salt water. Fresh water. Cold water. Warm water. Hiking paths. Trees. Rocks and boulders. Mountains. Grass. Flowers. Big sky. Crashing waves. Dolphins swimming alongside our boat. Kaneohe Bay. Diamond Head. Jungle paths. Bamboo forest. Dark brown, tannic-stained rivers. Alligators. Snakes. Turtles. Big fish. Riding horses. Dogs. Cats. Beach. Beach. Beach. Lanikai Beach. Treasure Island Beach. Madeira Beach. St. Pete Beach. Pass-a-Grille Beach. Sea oats. Elk herds. Deer morning and evening. Coyotes howling. Bears crossing my land. Mountain lion. Snow. Ice. Mud. Skiing. Swimming. Canoeing. Poohbah. Washington Park.

Dieting for Health

             Time for an update on dieting for health. Ever since I got the cancer diagnosis, I became more motivated to participate in my own healthcare. The main and really the biggest step I could take was a look at my diet. In November while recuperating from a mastectomy, I had the good fortune of staying with my friend Peggy and her husband who had recently become vegans. I had already been reading about veganism and health, but in their home I could experience it. Peggy is a great cook no matter what’s she making, so she had quickly mastered tasty dishes for a vegan diet. I enjoyed the eating first of all. But a wondrous side effect took place – I felt better. This was directly after my surgery so I was really looking for ways to feel even just a tad better.

            That marked the beginning of my vegan journey. I’m not nearly as good a cook as Peg, and I’m only cooking for one, so it’s a challenge to make dishes with lots of preparation. Just not interested. I have taken advantage of making smoothies, though, in my nifty, awesome blender (a Ninja) and I put all kinds of stuff in them. A healthy green mix of kale, chard, arugula, lettuce; chunks of tofu; a cup of frozen blueberries; banana; an apple cut up; green juice; soy milk; cucumbers; squash; cilantro; and the list goes on. I don’t put all of those in one smoothie, but probably three or four solid items plus the liquids.

            With the Standard American Diet we’re all bound to get generous dosages of illness, including heart and vessel disease, cancer, various chronic illnesses, autoimmune diseases more than we’re genetically disposed to, arthritis, and all kinds of crappy stuff. It isn’t necessary. Besides, you don’t have to be a complete vegan to conquer illness until it more naturally shows up many decades later in your precious lives.

            If you’ve had cancer, and everyone who has dreadfully fears a recurrence, then check out Kristin Carr’s manifesto, Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips. She is an awesome statement of how to be proactive when faced with a deadly form of cancer – with no treatment known. She is still writing books and researching more ways to help herself nine years after diagnosis. And don’t worry, she goes to the regular physicians (who can think outside the box) as well as holistic practitioners. No wacko crystals for her! Her website is  http://www.crazysexycancer.com. And she’s on Facebook.

            Lots of people’s illnesses are described as chronic now. Even HIV. I know people who might have two or three chronic illnesses, and I definitely believe they can be helped by getting off the Standard American Diet and onto greener pastures of grazing. It's already been proven.

            Remember, you can SUBSCRIBE to my blog now and get these messages as emails.

            Feel better! Go green!

Following My Heart

             I want to show up as a creative writer everywhere. I feel like I’ve been given this strange “opportunity” to follow this path. I’m chronically ill, enough so I can’t work full-time. So I’m on Social Security Disability and stay at home much of the time. Why not call myself a writer and actually commit to what I’ve been wanting to do (and avoiding) all this time? Years have passed while I’ve quivered in fear of taking this step. Well, it is a big deal. And no one gives you a handbook on how to do it. You make it up as you go.

            I want to show up as a writer in every way possible. I don’t want to write business stuff – I’m not very good at it. I like to write newsletters for organizations, though, because I love writing as a healthy tool for communication. Someone can speak to you, you can watch a youtube video, you can listen in on conversations. But unless it’s written down, you can’t go back and reread it, underline it, make lists from it, color-organize it, whatever you can do to a piece of written communication.

            I don’t want to write so I’ll be remembered. I want the story to be remembered. I want, if it’s meant for you that special reader, for you to make use of it in whatever way you see fit. I may write under several different names. There are many Dana Bennetts. Who cares? I can have an exotic name – Luna Lapwater, Moonlight Radinsky, D.B. Loud, Ali Gator.

            This is day number 3 this week for writing a blog. Tomorrow is my first reward if I write number 4. This is not only easy peasy, but it’s a lot of fun.

            If you want some advice from me about how to get started writing, let me know. I love to share that story. And over the years I’ve supported and encouraged many, many would-be writers to get started. It’s up to you to find out how to keep going. Or if you want to.

            You can SUBSCRIBE to my little blog now and will get email notification. I hope you’ll want to follow me. You won’t have to read everything, but you won’t (if you subscribe) have to remember or bookmark my blog.

            Have a great day and follow your heart.

What a Surprise

            Pondering the day and what it has already brought. Wait, actually started last night.

            I went to my Course in Miracles class last night and told the story of my taking Anthony, my adorable 88-year-old neighbor, to a Baptist church on Sunday. I kept telling him I’d take him to church because he really wanted to go and he doesn’t drive anymore. Finally, I made a list of five churches we could attend – three Presbyterian and two Baptist – because he wanted the Baptist experience most of all. I could have left off going to church altogether except as a way to meet new people and maybe have people who’d visit me in the hospital when I go there.

            Anthony picked Calvary Baptist Church, of course – last on the list. At least all five of the churches had pipe organs and Calvary BC was upgrading its organ.

            I drive us to church on Sunday morning and the people there are really nice and friendly and not “come-to-Jesus” Southern Baptists (my grandfather was a Baptist preacher so I have some experience in this), and we feel really welcomed. Anthony wants to sit down front, so we do. I love to sit in the back, of course. The service starts and it’s moving along and all of a sudden I have this feeling like I’m in love or something. Really, like romantic love. And the pastor, a young woman in her 30s, talks about the pilgrimage of Jesus in the wilderness during Lent. Now I know it’s Lent. And she says it wasn’t a quest, because that has a goal, but this pilgrimage is where you ask to hear God’s will.

            Well, this is all very similar to A Course in Miracles where your job is to listen and do God’s will. Okay, I’ve had trouble with this all my life, since about age ten. But I’m also sitting there and this message is coming at me from all kinds of directions and I’m feeling like I’m in love.

            So, Tama, the Course in Miracles class leader, last night tells me I experienced a shift in perception, a miracle, because I was able to put aside my preconceived notions about Baptist churches and be open to what was really being said. I don’t know what else to say. Well, I do, but I’ll write about that tomorrow.

New Plans and Rewards

      You know how you feel when you want to change and yet you have as much resistance as you have desire for that change? That’s how I feel. There are things that have become habits for me. Inactivity. Procrastination. Putting off what would help me the most. That kind of stuff that is so mind-numbing.

     This morning I was going to get up and clean my apartment from stem to stern and then clean up my email inboxes and my messy desktop. But I read till too late last night – you know, that part of the book where all the ends start getting wrapped up and you can’t stop till you know how it’s going to play out. And I lost my get-up-and-go and I have lots of errands to run today, have to, and I promised I wouldn’t look at Facebook but I did (at least only just 15 minutes). And it’s already 9:30 and I – hm, I guess I have more time than I thought.

     Tomorrow I go for blood work early without coffee or food. I may take on some small jobs in the house today.

     I promised myself this about writing blog posts this week:  If I can write 3 times this week, I get a star. 4 times and I get a salted caramel chocolate thingie at Starbucks. Ohhhhh. 5 times and I get to buy an outfit at Macy’s. 6 times, new shirts for spring from Target. All week, I get a new pair of shoes, too, from Naturalizer or Nordstrom or Easy Spirit.

     I want those shoes. Change is coming, folks.

Being Tired

      I've been incredibly tired in the past week. I finally remembered I'm taking a new medication (to reduce my chance of recurrence of breast cancer) and it has added a layer of fatigue to my usual fatigue from liver disease. Last night I decided I had to have some concrete goals for this morning or I'd never make it out of bed. So I did it and it worked. I accomplished some tasks, even did some housework, and got my hair shampooed. Little things. But big when I feel this tired.

     I'm signed up for an online writing challenge for February. It doesn't involved much time and just a daily commitment to write – not so hard, right? Wrong! I'm  discovering just how much energy creativity requires. I'm so far below that bar, and I can't remember ever being this low. What to do? I keep writing twice a day. I write what I can to the level of energy I have at the moment. And I have this grand plan to build energy by exercising every day. Build on that. Use it. Set myself up to be creative by reading good books, going to good movies, visiting art museums and galleries. And hang out with other creatives.

     Creativity exists in so many places. A great business idea. A new way of organizing to see a new perspective. Seeing a new perspective and feeling it. Childraising methods that are new and fanciful, whimsical. Writing your own blog. Posting a creative, thoughtful status on Facebook. Lots and lots of places and methods. What is your form of creativity? Everyone has one...or more.

     Back to reading on the couch. Send me a little juice!