Wednesday, February 29, 2012

What a Surprise

            Pondering the day and what it has already brought. Wait, actually started last night.

            I went to my Course in Miracles class last night and told the story of my taking Anthony, my adorable 88-year-old neighbor, to a Baptist church on Sunday. I kept telling him I’d take him to church because he really wanted to go and he doesn’t drive anymore. Finally, I made a list of five churches we could attend – three Presbyterian and two Baptist – because he wanted the Baptist experience most of all. I could have left off going to church altogether except as a way to meet new people and maybe have people who’d visit me in the hospital when I go there.

            Anthony picked Calvary Baptist Church, of course – last on the list. At least all five of the churches had pipe organs and Calvary BC was upgrading its organ.

            I drive us to church on Sunday morning and the people there are really nice and friendly and not “come-to-Jesus” Southern Baptists (my grandfather was a Baptist preacher so I have some experience in this), and we feel really welcomed. Anthony wants to sit down front, so we do. I love to sit in the back, of course. The service starts and it’s moving along and all of a sudden I have this feeling like I’m in love or something. Really, like romantic love. And the pastor, a young woman in her 30s, talks about the pilgrimage of Jesus in the wilderness during Lent. Now I know it’s Lent. And she says it wasn’t a quest, because that has a goal, but this pilgrimage is where you ask to hear God’s will.

            Well, this is all very similar to A Course in Miracles where your job is to listen and do God’s will. Okay, I’ve had trouble with this all my life, since about age ten. But I’m also sitting there and this message is coming at me from all kinds of directions and I’m feeling like I’m in love.

            So, Tama, the Course in Miracles class leader, last night tells me I experienced a shift in perception, a miracle, because I was able to put aside my preconceived notions about Baptist churches and be open to what was really being said. I don’t know what else to say. Well, I do, but I’ll write about that tomorrow.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

New Plans and Rewards

      You know how you feel when you want to change and yet you have as much resistance as you have desire for that change? That’s how I feel. There are things that have become habits for me. Inactivity. Procrastination. Putting off what would help me the most. That kind of stuff that is so mind-numbing.

     This morning I was going to get up and clean my apartment from stem to stern and then clean up my email inboxes and my messy desktop. But I read till too late last night – you know, that part of the book where all the ends start getting wrapped up and you can’t stop till you know how it’s going to play out. And I lost my get-up-and-go and I have lots of errands to run today, have to, and I promised I wouldn’t look at Facebook but I did (at least only just 15 minutes). And it’s already 9:30 and I – hm, I guess I have more time than I thought.

     Tomorrow I go for blood work early without coffee or food. I may take on some small jobs in the house today.

     I promised myself this about writing blog posts this week:  If I can write 3 times this week, I get a star. 4 times and I get a salted caramel chocolate thingie at Starbucks. Ohhhhh. 5 times and I get to buy an outfit at Macy’s. 6 times, new shirts for spring from Target. All week, I get a new pair of shoes, too, from Naturalizer or Nordstrom or Easy Spirit.

     I want those shoes. Change is coming, folks.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Being Tired

      I've been incredibly tired in the past week. I finally remembered I'm taking a new medication (to reduce my chance of recurrence of breast cancer) and it has added a layer of fatigue to my usual fatigue from liver disease. Last night I decided I had to have some concrete goals for this morning or I'd never make it out of bed. So I did it and it worked. I accomplished some tasks, even did some housework, and got my hair shampooed. Little things. But big when I feel this tired.

     I'm signed up for an online writing challenge for February. It doesn't involved much time and just a daily commitment to write – not so hard, right? Wrong! I'm  discovering just how much energy creativity requires. I'm so far below that bar, and I can't remember ever being this low. What to do? I keep writing twice a day. I write what I can to the level of energy I have at the moment. And I have this grand plan to build energy by exercising every day. Build on that. Use it. Set myself up to be creative by reading good books, going to good movies, visiting art museums and galleries. And hang out with other creatives.

     Creativity exists in so many places. A great business idea. A new way of organizing to see a new perspective. Seeing a new perspective and feeling it. Childraising methods that are new and fanciful, whimsical. Writing your own blog. Posting a creative, thoughtful status on Facebook. Lots and lots of places and methods. What is your form of creativity? Everyone has one...or more.

     Back to reading on the couch. Send me a little juice!