Decisions to Make

     I'm in a decision-making mode right now and I've learned, after leaping to many decidedly dramatic changes, to let the mulling take its course and go through the gray place first. Without procrastinating, of course.
     When I visited my hepatologist at University of Colorado Hospital Transplant Center in Denver in June, she recommended the live donor option for me. And that I should have it done there since they have so much experience and a world-renowned transplant surgeon, Dr. Igal Kam. I was caught off-guard by the recommendation, but I have decided this much: I want to go for it. It means a lot of positive change for me.
     I heard this story recently on the news and it inspired me. A Catholic nun needed a kidney transplant but she was still working as a teacher and doing okay. She became sicker, though, and was facing several hours a week of dialysis, which would force her to quit teaching. She fought back. She went to her email address list and to everyone on it she sent an email in quest of a live donor. She received about 20 offers and at least one was a match. She received her new kidney and returned to teaching. She said she was overwhelmed with the response to her plea and overjoyed to discover so many exceedingly generous people.
     I felt buoyed, happy about this woman's pluck and tenacity and courage. I have the first two, but right now I'm blowing real hard on the itty-bitty flames of courage. It seems so much to ask anyone to do...for me.
     Oh, my insurance covers all the live donor's costs, even travel and lodging before and after the surgery. So it's not that. The Transplant Coordinator and her team of nurses, technicians, and doctors do all the evaluation, and I trust them completely. A live donor can back out at any moment – even on the way to the OR. I want it that way. Freedom.
     I have more mulling and writing to do. And I'll feed my courage more of whatever it needs. (More ice cream, maybe?) I'll make a move soon. And stay out of the direct sun so it doesn't dull my senses. It is so blooming hot here!