I unclogged my brain and I'm ready to take some important steps now. Unclogging usually comes to me through writing and action, and I've done both. I am going to actively seek a living donor for my liver transplant.
I belong to a PSC support group online (remember? primary sclerosing cholangitis - PSC) and there was a letter last week from a member who had decided several years back not to go for transplant. She's in hospice now and very happy with her decision and current situation. I thought about that a lot.
It finally came down to this: I'm a fighter and I've always believed I would live a very long life. I've always believed that life was meant to be happy and productive and, for me, creative. I didn't consider this woman's alternative for very long. It works for her, but it would not ever work for me. I'm also a wimp and hate pain and discomfort and do everything I can to avoid it! I watched my brother die of melanoma 10 years ago, and he was the same way, a fighter. And he lived for 5 years after diagnosis, a record for most melanoma patients. He was injecting curative medicines during the last week he was alive. A fighter. So maybe it's genetic. Dunno, but I've got that spirit, too.
I have a lot of preparation before I'm ready for surgery – getting documents revised or made, checking prices of anti-rejection medications, finding caregivers for post-surgery, and so on. The preparing energizes me. I'm acting on my own behalf. And that's the best thing all of us can do for ourselves. No one else can, or is responsible to, meet our needs and discover our own heart's desires.
If you have any ideas for me, please pass them along. I'll keep you posted on my progress!